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| Sunday, September 05, 2010 |
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Refocus energy, repair flattened self-image
7/25/2005 |
Dear Jennifer:
I’m 59 years old. After an extensive career I returned to my hometown of 20,000 people. I expected comfort and support after losing three family members quickly and unexpectedly, but instead I have experienced a mean-spiritedness that is incredible.
I began working in a small office of ten people. After three years my supervisor confronted me with a long list of complaints. I know that they came from a woman who has resented me since I first arrived. She creates trouble through her fabrications, misrepresentations and malicious gossip.
I used to compliment her at every opportunity because I recognized her intense need for attention, but to no avail. I’ve spent nine years being the subject of resentment, gossip and exclusion.
Unfortunately, others in the office enjoy the gossip and go along with this behavior, including our office supervisor whose cynicism has poisoned the atmosphere. I have tried to ingratiate myself, but nothing has worked.
I’m not the sole recipient of this behavior. Alliances change readily and someone is always being slandered clandestinely. I feel I should take action on my own behalf. I’d appreciate your suggestions. – B.L. in Illinois
Dear B.L.:
If you’ve put up with this scene for nine years, there’s not much that I can tell you. Either you’ve already found some sort of inoculation against their attacks, or you’ve found a way to live with a lot of anger and a flattened self-image.
I don’t see many ways to redeem this situation, given that it’s system-wide and includes your office supervisor. Refocus and you might have a chance to salvage some of your self-esteem.
- BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. Stop trying to ingratiate yourself with any of these people. It gets you nowhere with them, it has to make you feel phony and it ruins your reputation with yourself to sell out that way.
- FIND YOUR ESCAPE ROUTE. Figure out what you want to get from the job and for how long. Contact a financial advisor to help you answer these questions: What are your plans for retirement? How much money do you need to retire and at what age is it feasible to do so?
- MINIMIZE YOUR EXPOSURE. Look at your job like this – be pleasant, keep your head down, do your work and get out of there at quittin’ time.
Then find other interests and support from positive people in the community.
Copyright 2005 Jennifer Lock Oman
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